Sleep, glorious sleep!

Sleeping is something I've tended to put on hold. As I seek to cram more into my day, I find the hours in the middle of the night are those that are most able to be contracted.

I used to wonder about sleep and whether we could learn to do without it. Sleeping seemed like such a  waste of time to me. All those hours just lying around, doing nothing. Especially wasteful when there is so much to do!  I've discovered that reducing the amount of time I sleep is not a good idea.

According to current understanding about sleep and its functions, sleep is essential to psychological and physical wellbeing and is neuro-protective. According to John Axelsson from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, a good night's sleep is a very important component of looking attractive and healthy. Those ideas that my grandmother had about the hours spent sleeping before midnight being important are very likely to be true, much as I'd love to ignore that fact. She was right about a lot of things, my grandmother.

 I've found to my horror that sleep poverty is associated with obesity.  Apparently those of us who struggle with middle age (or any age) 'spread' or 'spare tyres' - polite terms for enlarged girth would be well advised to ensure that we regularly get a good night's sleep as good sleep patterns help to keep obesity related genes switched off!

Stress is another culprit! Even if people get enough sleep, unless the causes of too much stress are managed or diminished, the problems compound.

 I read Katy's blog this morning and she was talking about sleep - Katy is a biomedical scientist and her blog is always informative. Amongst other things Katy said:

"Sleeping the correct amount (or at least longer than you typically do) is a good place to start when trying to get to the root of any health issue.  As for body postures, it’s best (does the least to shorten muscles and stiffen joints) to sleep flat on your back, no pillow, on a firm mattress.  Sleeping in his way (or just getting into this position on the floor when you’re awake) reveals a lot about your chronic joint position.  If you need something under your knees to be comfortable, your psoas is too short for your height.  If you need a pillow under your head to keep your chin from elevating, the cervical (neck) extensors are too short for the length of your spine.  If you take yoga, executing the supine savasana posture takes a good chunk of time to work up to.  You’ve been practicing chair-asana (the art of sitting long hours with your hips and knees at 90 degrees, head forward to the spine, and chin elevated) 10 hours a day, it’s no wonder you feel stiff getting into bed.  Do five minutes of light stretching followed by a “floor assessment” of your tension patterns.  Set the timer for 10 minutes and relax your parts to the floor, breathing quietly and thoroughly, before hopping into bed.  This should make getting into REM state that much easier".

 As someone who practices 'chair-asana' on a daily, hourly basis, I've taken her words to heart!

Making the change to ensure good quality sleep means changing habits and establishing new routines. Some random tips for healthy sound sleep I've picked up over time are:

1. Avoid stimulating drinks, conversations, television and other similar activities immediately before bed. 
2. Spend time winding down; that can include a relaxing bath (with or without candles and aromatherapy)
3. Get regular physical movement - a good walk each day stimulates/coordinates our brain cells and the muscles leading to better functioning
4. Sweet talk - with yourself and if you have one, your beloved - quality mutually rewarding intimacy and sexual expression
5. Review your day and congratulate yourself for things well done
6. Avoid focusing on the things you could have done better - write those down and tell your self that you will review them in the morning
7. A warm drink before bed can be helpful
8. Think of five things you are grateful for and feel the feelings associated with that gratitude
9. Review the things you want to do the next day and imagine them done well
10. Ensure you are warm enough/cool enough and comfortable in bed
11. Clean, fresh linen and smooth sheets always feels good
12. Keep electrical appliances away from your bedside
13. Don't read newspapers or action books or watch television in bed
14. Make your room as dark as possible (optimal hormone release at night requires darkness)

Sleep well!

Wired for empathy?

Emotions are increasingly recognised as the language our bodies use to communicate. Between cells, between genes, between body processes, the chemicals of emotion trigger, calm, irritate, inflame and soothe.

John Heron, one of my heroes, was the first person I read who talked about our emotional needs. John identified that we have three core emotional needs and if these emotional needs are not met, we develop defense mechanisms.
The core emotional needs that John Heron identified are:

1. To love and be loved
2. To understand and be understood
3. To choose and be chosen.

When our emotional needs are not met, to avoid feelings of distress, we develop defense mechanisms

•      Rationalisation – judging, blaming

•      Projection – attributing one’s own faults to other people eg gossip, criticising behind backs

•      Reaction formation – overdoing the opposite of the emotion

•      Dissociation – distancing from feelings by excessive theorising, analysing, measuring

•      Substitution – carrying out activities guaranteed to succeed – focusing on minutae instead of addressing big issues (which may fail!)

•      Repression and denial of own emotions – intrinsic part of each of the previous defense mechanisms – ‘water off a duck’s back’ – ‘doesn’t bother me at all!’

The defence mechanisms can be seen as the foundations for bullying and violence generally. 

There are, according to John Heron, steps in  managing our emotions, now known as emotional and social intelligence and competence.

Emotion has the central role in determining what we perceive, experience and do (Goleman, 2006). According to the perspective taken by both Goleman and Heron, our power and ability in human affairs is a direct result of our feeling nature. Our deepest feelings are meant to guide us in how to live our lives.  Goleman suggests that the emotional life of an individual underpins their ethical and moral stance and therefore social behaviour. Obviously, if the individual's life has started in the right way, in a loving family with their emotional needs met, then they will be emotionally and socially intelligent and therefore empathetic to the needs of others.


An easy way to understand how we are wired for empathy came into my life this morning in the form of the You Tube video below.





Are we doomed if we didn't have the best start?  No, we can change. However change needs to be sought and new behaviours practiced so that our neurology and the emotional 'codes' are more in alignment with our desired way of being.  Norman Doidge has written a great book explaining how change can happen.

For John Heron, the process requires understanding the four basic skills and practising them continually to become competent.

These skills are: 

1.      Awareness – of one’s own emotions and their effect on behaviour

2.      Choice – between control and spontaneity

3.      Sharing emotions with other people as appropriate

4.      Releasing emotions cathartically (4 aspects)

    4.1 controlled letting go – aware of process and choosing time and place to do it

    4.2 letting go- allowing oneself to let go both emotionally and physically

    4.3 insights – catching intuitive and creative insights

    4.4 decision-making – after moving through emotion and intuition, use our intellect to consider the                learning and make decisions

What do you think of the video? Do you agree we are wired for empathy?  Do you think we can develop the self management skills as suggested by Heron and Goleman? The really big aspect in all of this for me is how to be self managing and stay embodied - to allow ourselves to feel the feelings and cherish the full gamut of what it means to be human.  Of course, like everything, the applications of all this for me is with our work as midwives with birthing women and their families.  Our role in facilitating the best environment so that a woman and her baby can grow well, birth well and enter the early parenting phase well and the woman feeling in control is vital to 'setting' foundational feelings of safety and love for the mother and her baby's relationship.